Part 3. Running Into Darkness We have now exposed and examined the situations that caused the early trauma trifecta. The inability for the child to have an effective baseline of safety and boundaries, the lack of a safe space, either real or perceived, and the radically unstable maternal figure, our mom. Our only solution, to …
Trauma Superstorm Part 2
Part 2 We have now come to the part, where the child has repeatedly been forced to cope with a laundry list of “innocuous horrors”. We use this term, because our parents could be famous quoting to us the many reasons that we were never abused. The verbiage was almost always the same, even though …
Trauma Superstorm Part 1.
Part One. Handmade Victim As an infant. We almost certainly would have been identified INFP-T. The gentle nature would have made us the apparent victim for an experienced abuser. The heir apparent. As a toddler, our reality already shattered, and the emotional, physical and psychological abuse comes to pass from our parents, all the whirl …
DID, Marriage, and Therapy
This is a difficult subject for us to discuss. Even to begin. To try and transpose our food experiences and emotions about this subject, and exhaustive before we even begin. coming to full awareness while in a damaged relationship, is the black hole, of unstable confusion. When we came it be with our wife, now …
Empowering Choice Without Fear
So many times when we are processing, we wander aimlessly it seems through the depths of our mind. Many times we need to recall later, and as our crazy, fractured existence demands, we forget. Rarely do we have toe foresight to take notes of our adventures inward, looking outward. Making, or trying too, sense of …
“Your lucky, you have good parents!”
There are so many things we want to convey, as we persevere through the horror movie of our mind. So many revelations, or at least they are to us, and so many new questions to be asked and answered. As we now know the truth, that we are allowed to ask questions, safely. We also …
Putting Together the Pieces of Acceptance
as we attempt, to once more make reason from irrationality, we are still struggling with many things. We reach for words and concepts that we are so able to grasp minutes before, only to find the remnants of as dream lost to the darkness. We look for clues, we grasp at hints of thoughts, flashes …
Continue reading "Putting Together the Pieces of Acceptance"
What is Recovery
re·cov·er·y/rəˈkəv(ə)rē/ in:AllLawSportsnoun 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost."a team of salvage experts to ensure the recovery of family possessions" As survivors of trauma, we find ourselves perpetually in the company, of other humans , obsessed with recovery. …
Abandonment.
For many years, we were diagnosed as many things. Each alter can present with different symptoms, both physical and mental, leaving the same number of diagnosis’s in their wake. The answer to modern psychiatry, though more advanced than the previous centuries by a little, is psychotropic medications. Highly ineffective for DID. Consistency, is critical in …
Intra-system Relationship Management
The Executive Committee. We are now entering new areas of life, daily, even hourly. We are traveling the uncharted ground of day to day, system management. We try and look at our life as a complex business, that has to be run efficiently, in order to survive. That last bit is critical, as our body …
Wanting to Run Into Nothingness
The unique place that we, and we suspect many, is to find ourselves is trying too ascertain if we are looking into insanity, or peering into rationality from within the crazy. Always standing on the edge of madness, trying to reason from which perspective we are viewing our lives, can fuel the chaos, and deepen …
Moving Into The Future, and Out Of The Past, With Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part I
We have been having a revelation as of late, a seeming push from deep within our system to seek more than what is currently out there. We feel that maybe, all of the therapy we have had, albeit lifesaving and helpful, is only the beginning to a recovery that is more evolution than repair. We …
Is Suicide is a better alternative to this….
So, I challenge my readers, to explain to us why living in this fashion, is better than taking the chance that all will come to an end.
Regulating a Bully Alter
Having alters, can be more challenging than the worst spouse or room mate. They have their own opinions, and once awareness is attained, they also know they have very little accountability for their actions. For me, the worst part is not being able to leave the room when I need to. You can never quiet …
Duty or Happiness?
We are a great fan of existentialism and the freedoms that accompany living authentic. However this is a double edged sword, as responsibility for our choices is never without pain. Pain as it seems is the knife that forms the clay of humanity. We are very much defined through our own suffering, which in many …
Fear of Expressing Needs
Perhaps the most difficult thing for us, and we believe many others like us; is the ability to express our desires. A most basic human need and function. Without expressing our desires, we rarely are able to satisfy our existentiality. One of the fundamentals of being human, is our individuality. Our desires are not just whims, to be catered …
Get your popcorn and favorite substance, and hang on…….. D.I.D. Romance….
Six Daughters, Two Wives, fourteen personalities, in one body, and only one house. Yes, you read correctly. This post is going to address our very complicated, and very real situation we are currently living. This is the reality of romance and marriage in DID. This is the living hell/heaven/whatever, that we created, and many times …
Continue reading "Get your popcorn and favorite substance, and hang on…….. D.I.D. Romance…."
An Existential Approach to The Integration Question
As we continue this journey through space and time, we realize more, there is no conclusion to our existence. Even though death is a certainty, reaching the climax of our humanity is certainly unattainable. The struggle to give meaning to the nothingness that we occupy only brings angst and despair. We are as Sartre …
Continue reading "An Existential Approach to The Integration Question"
Gaining Identity through Exi-Sential Balance
We have focused greatly on our opinion of the Existential ideology, and how that applies to the consciousness of our humanity, but also allows us to power our own freedom through true choice in actions. Admittedly, we believe that an Existential attitude towards our day to day lives is preferred; this cannot however be the …
Continue reading "Gaining Identity through Exi-Sential Balance"
Achieving Existential Power
Power originating from individual authenticity, is the greatest source of energy in the universe.
To Be or Not Boundary!
To be honest, I know the title is crap, but I was at a loss and wanted to get past that point to get this down. Boundaries, something everyone at one time or another finds themselves in conflict or having issues with. This can ben the form of their own boundaries, or issues that arise …
From Our Perspective. Yes I am Crazy.
Every time I google DID, and thats a lot by the way, I always come up with the same verbiage and blah blah blah. For the afflicted, this is very daunting. We are isolationists, very mistrusting, if at all, and yet we are asked to believe that we have one of the rarest things on …
The Sanity of Madness
Good Day everyone! We have been gone for a bit. Things have been very rocky the last few weeks since Gene passed. The alter reunion tour has been charging on whether they needed to or not! We hae been learning a lot about not only ourselves, but our current IRL family. More importantly how the …
What to do with the Body???
Wow, ok so here we go... This is a complete mess! The fathers body sin cold storage, and I am the next of kin!! REALLY!! Are we the only ones that see the irony in this? So his new girlfriend wanted to cremate him right away...I also found out that the body was NEVER examined …
Thriving, Over Surviving
For us, the realization and awareness of our plurality has been grueling at times, and serene at others. Just as our external moods have always seemed to shift in almost Bipolar fashions, our internal barometer is no different. At some point in our life, we became accepting of the fact we were never to be …
Identity and Neuro-Evolution
We have been struggling as of late, not with the daily struggles of living plural, but the identity crisis we are enduring currently. Many neurotypicals, are inclined to believe, and why wouldn't they, that our identity is inherent; attaching one identity, to one body, to a singular existence. This makes perfect sense, to singlets. For …
