To be honest, I know the title is crap, but I was at a loss and wanted to get past that point to get this down.
Boundaries, something everyone at one time or another finds themselves in conflict or having issues with. This can ben the form of their own boundaries, or issues that arise out fo the boundaries others have or haven’t well established. As a plural person, our sense of boundaries can be quite well defined at tines, and then again completely obscure to a frighteningly non-existent. This is why the majority of professionals, after establishing safety, will begin to introduce people to “Healthy Boundaries”. I use quotations here as we have no idea what this truly means ourselves.
For those of us that are among, what we believe to be the majority, you have some struggle with being able to balance having limits and boundaries, with being politically correct or “polite”, we get lost in our own conflict. If you add traumatic events, or environments that are riddled with negativity, instability, abuse, and other assorted bad things; you get an assortment of disorders. At the heart of many issue fo those with mental illness is boundaries. This is so uncomfortable, and redundant to most people e that have ever been to therapy JUST ONE TIME, that we tend to tune to out. You can’t preach to someone that doesn’t comprehend the vocabulary! You cannot empower healing when your client cannot grasp even the remotest idea, of what you are so eloquently saying.
Now, to the really exciting bits of the story! Yes I know, were using poor structure, were crazy, we can get away with it! LOL! Our theory is this: Boundaries are not barriers at all. Boundaries should be re-classified as “Points of Empowerment”. These POI’s, as we will refer to them now, are exactly that! These are opportunities in your own timeline to become empowered and take control of your life! This is epic! When you are trying to get through to a trauma victim, giving them tools to take charge of their life, empower them, give them a choice, you have now communicated. You are through the walls, the distrust. You got us. Otherwise we just see more people telling us what to do. How to wall ourselves out and isolate. Now, with POI’s, we have the power to choose how we want to deal with the outside world! We do not HAVE to accept anything! We DO NOT have to hide or be ashamed! We are ALL people and deserve to be not only what but who we truly are. Why should the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness be restricted to people that have never been traumatized? Why should victims be victimized over and over again? Just like the cruel children we went to school with, every day was a new hell for us. We did not know why, we just lived it. We were not safe at home. We were not safe at school. Where were we to be safe? The places a Childs mind can go to feel safe, will absolutely amaze you.
Back to our POI”s. Once you give us the ability to choose, we are free. As someone whom has suffered with mental illness for well about, forever! I can honestly say that for all the people that say they don’t judge, they do. Let us be honest here. We know were crazy, most of us do. We do not want to be mocked or harassed. The shame of this drives most of us behind the “Boundary”, and into our homes, heads, and some succumb to suicide. For some of us the hell is too great to shoulder for very long. Once we can all see the freedom we will continue the journey outward and onward.
We were in a situation this morning that aroused all the flowing dribble you may be reading now. We had someone that said they don’t judge, blah blah abhor, and they understood. You get the idea, I am sure that most of you have heard this before. A friend a family member, your sisters boyfriends aunties mommas baby cousins friend had it! Well we put the theory to the test today. We had someone that was being quite an asshole to the core, who was out at the time. We proceeded to change straight in front of him, over coffee. To say he reacted was an understatement. Willing to walk away from a major money deal. Turned white as a ghost! Again, we have known this guy for years and we still got this. So, the moral to the story? We stood our ground and told him if he wants to bail that was fine. We were the best at what we do and. “If he didn’t like us his competition would gladly hire our firm.” IT FELT AWESOME!!! I haven’t felt this alive in years!!!!! Im ready to get busy now!! We stood up fo our selves in the face of sheer ignorance and fear! We come out on top with everything desired and them some. This was a significant victory in our journey back to the “real” world.
I hope that this experience will inspire others to seek empowerment through the simple choices we can all make. The choices may be simple, but the ability to have the belief in yourself to stick to them is usually what gets us all in trouble. We have insecurities and baggage, which when combined again with trauma, equals us, crazy person(s). The inspiration we have gotten from this seemingly small event, is overflowing. I want everyone to know, out there too, that: “The barricades built by the abusers are never secure”. The abusers get their power from eh secret. The secret is what drives them. The power they have over you and the secret they contain is the fuel for their continued abuse. We take the power back when we put OUR needs FIRST AND CENTER. Self Confidence is a NEED. Power and control over our own body should be ABSOLUTE. The ability to become empowered is not a privilege, or a law, its a basic, fundamental right to every living creature on earth. We deserve to be safe from day #1 !!
If you find yourself always trying to think of others first, as we were taught, STOP! You MUST take time for YOU! The more of you the more time! That is the way we look at it! When you truly love and care about your family and friends, you HAVE to care about you first. THATS OK! This is how healthy people stay healthy! YES, other props eco this and they’re not rude! There not bad people! Just because we need or ask for something, doesn’t make us a burden! Just because were not perfect, doesn’t make us something to be ashamed of! Jut because we do not fit into the mold of the masses, just means were custom made.
We have been diagnosed this time for about a year with Dissociative Identity Disorder. We have a significant other and many daughters. We are slowly learning that just because we were victimized once, does not mean we are for life. Coming to grips with any sever disorder is hell on any family, ours was no exception. Neither were the previous families. Your lack of boundaries, and inability to maintain anything more than a short mite lead to today. We now have a sense of empowerment in small degrees, divided by fourteen. If you ever feel like your not safe, or like your being shamed, speak out. They probably won’t listen the first time. Maybe not even the second! Keep shouting, surviving, and fighting till your safe. YOU CAN DO IT! Never let anyone judge you fro the things you have done to survive. They aren’t in your shoes, nor would they ever truly want to be. Be Safe, Run, Fight! SURVIVE AND BE EMPOWERED AT EVERY BOUNDARY!!!!!