There are so many things we want to convey, as we persevere through the horror movie of our mind. So many revelations, or at least they are to us, and so many new questions to be asked and answered. As we now know the truth, that we are allowed to ask questions, safely. We also know that we have the right to our own thoughts, beliefs and opinions. For many neurotypicals, this may seem redundant or even almost comedic. For a trauma survivor, these can be frightening to the point of traumatic.
One fo the most horrible things for us, and there were a few, was the victimization we received at the hands of those designated to advocate for us, when we needed it the most. In most cases, these individuals come in the form of teachers, counselors and law enforcement officials. However there hav been cases where even clinical professionals and loved ones, have been led down the path of direct victimization. When the initial outcry or point of contact i made, they come across as caring, compassionate and even loving. During the course foo their interaction with our abusers, and that is what they are, their course heading changes dramtacaly. In most every case, they would say to us “You are very lucky, you have good parents, and a good home!”
The impact of such an innocuous statement, is far reaching and deep. To the non abused, scratching their heads at the moment, there i nothing about the statement that should render fear. For the abused child, the one who lives in a fear of everything, there could never be a more devastating statement. For now, not only have we breached our silence, peering out from behind the curtain f shame and fear used to control our every action, every thought, we have been completely invalidated. our hopes of escaping the hell that is our existence, now not only shattered, but turned into liquid rage, to be used as furl at the earliest convenience.
The child must now try to understand themselves. The feelings deep inside that something was wrong in our house. The aching for the life that even the most dysfunctional kidskin the neighborhood had, invalidated. We had to justify how we were so wrong. We must be that bad, even the people who say the believe us, want to protect us, throw us not only bad to the wolves, but they make sure the wolves are angry as well. This is why so many children never say a word. We live in silence as we secretly, or not, try to find ways to get away. We will try everything from booze, drugs, bad relationships, running away, and even suicide. There are ways you can get away, but you better be sure because they will always send you back. We even volunteered to stay in custody once, in England, just so we wouldn’t have to return home.
IS there any greater cruelty than dangling the hope of escape in front of someone, pony to increase their pain ten fold? You destroy not only hope , but any confidence the child had, enough to reach out in the first place. How can we ever expect children to NOT grow up with personality disorders, and trauma related disorders, when we teach then from early on that adults, can never be trusted?? They lie, cheat, manipulate and are never held accountable. This is the victimization for which we speak. This only reinforces the negative self image the abused child already has, and will always carry in life. We have destroyed most chances for an uneventful, and secure life, where even though it may be a bit naive, safety is somewhat assumed. For the child of abuse, we assume there is no safety, love, or honesty in the world, and act accordingly.