Hell and Back, all in a day…Less!

it seems that as much as we try to get it together, Murphys law will ALWAYS prevail!  have you ever known now fo those people that it seems their plans remain, their plans!!!???  I know, irritating as hell isn’t it!

I would be happy if I cold manage to have a single day go as planned!  Today was absolutely no different….

Yesterday, as some of you will recall, I had a dynamite interview…or so I thought!  It seems hat having a blog is actually detrimental to your job search!  I wake up this morning, kids are all happy, Tammy is happy, oh shit!  I am happy too!  WTF is up with this??  I knew the sky had to fall, to use words of another fellow friend!


Sure enough I received an email from the headhunter, and instead of teh CEO being anxious to meet me, its a were passing on your resume.  This after only a few short overnight hours after the interview.  WOW. and so begins the deluge of emotional bullshit fo the day!

Also on this day IO am scheduled to see a therapist that has had a bad encounter with one of the alters.  This at the time was unknown to her, until he got in her face and scared the shit out of her for getting too close to the truth.   This is when we all came out of the closet so to speak!  Nervous as hell, we went to his appointment.  This appointment was to actually try and assess the situation, as this therapist although she didn’t see it right away,  really gives a shit.  That means more to me than experience!  I have no experience at being this crazy either, so I guess we will make it up as we go along!

I am happy that I went, she was actually ready and willing take this on.  She really is a caring person and I think that makes all the difference to me.


I will let y’all know how this goes,…….k

Great Interview Today!

I had an interview this morning with an IT company. This is my first attempt to break into the lucrative and technology driven market. I truly love technology, I am after all a Star Wars Nerd! The real ones, not the Disney stuff!

I had no idea they would call me with such an UN-IT CV. Sure enough I got the call and now had a great interview. On to meet the CEO later this week. I am truly stoked. The premise of being able to securely get out of the oil and gas drilling markets is great. I will still be however on a side populated by folks a bit more open minded and educated. I know I sound snobby here, but a ignorance is not an excuse to be an asshole. In any regards.

So, I am petrified now about the face to face. Not sure if this will be in California or here locally. I’m waiting on logistics now. I held it together during the last few minutes of the phone interview, but had to reel in the crazy it felt like. I didn’t even want to be here for this but got stuck with it! Why have alters if they leave you hanging ???

Has anyone else had preinterview jitters about the crazy? Is there anyone whose employers know and still let them stay on? Thanks. Kevin!!

The Big Pharma and Me Dilemma..

Hey there,

Thank you for reading this post.   We are really trying to decide if medicaiton is the route to go, and here is why…     Many years ago, Einstein wrote this:” The doctors of the future will use food as their medicine!”  We are living proof of this!   Kevin took himself off of all 28 meds that he was taking daily for different things, hypertension, Cholesterol, hypothyroidisim,  Low T,  and the biggee..PAIN NARCS,  lots of them!.  We did this cold turkey, and together!  This was not a fun week!

Now that everyone can see that we are a team and not an eccentric, shy, timid, jerk, and everything else!, they want ot put us on psycotropic meds again!  Now the facts:  Since the bidy has been purged of all the poisons pushed ny the medical community,  and we have cut out all animal from our diet, our labs have been perfect!  We feel better, and of course we are all coming out and reaking havoc from time to time!

My point being, we dont need to be medicated to be in society!  We are ALL people too!  A person isnt only allowed to have a single car, why cant there be noore than one driver for the car too!   We are all individuals working towards a common goal!  If the masses refuse to try and understand, tehn let tehm.  The only reason tey try to medicate everyone so heavily that has a mental “difference”, is because people fear what they themselves dont understand or are familiar with!  So, they have only one personality and that makes us strtange!  Why should our abundance of charachter and wisdom be stifeld by chemicals that are put into our bodies!  I have worked in teh plants that tmake these drugs.  We have to go through weeks of training every year just to walk through the gates!   The chemicals are not safe at all!  the drug companies dont want to help us, they want ot make money!

Food,  I truly believe that food is the key ot a healthy body!  Eliminate the poisons and the rest will come.  I am not saying you will never die!  I am saying that you will most likely die much older unless something catastrophic happens!  If you watch the video “What the Health, and “Forks Over Knives”, you will see what I mean.  I am a self professed carnivore who loves meat, BBQ, chilli cheese fries and all that comes with it!  But I like feeling this good too!  I have an alter that will not get on bored, but were trying!

So, there you have it, my opinion of pharmaceuticals.  I am not saying theyre all bad, but I think in the modern world where the dollar is the principal driver for everything, its bad!



Something to Laugh At! FAS!

SO, The back story…I have a dog named Hercules, yes he is real!   He is an English Mastiff and  hige part of our family.  Recently we rescued some abandoned pups and he has decided to raise them…He also raised a litter of abandoned kittens, which have decided never to leave!  So here you will see Hercules, all 200+ Pounds of him!  Thats about 160kg!,  and the two 10 week old pups we saved.   Watch, wait for it and laugh as hard as you want!!!  The pups are:  Rock Star OG, the blue tick, and Cass, the brown and white one!   Coments Please!!!!


What a hell of a Holiday Week!

cb48014ff974ed1de864ceabd3e3ee36--thank-goodness-its-friday-thank-god-its-friday-quotesThings have been exceptionally strange this week.  We usually have thanksgiving with Tammy’s family usually in East Texas, occasionaly here.    This year with all the crazy goign on and some other things that we cannot say yet,   we did not do the whole in-law thing this year.  I am actually pretty relieved, seeing as how they would all look at us crazy anyway.  The last thing I want to be is the, well, crazy one!  LOL  I guss I have been screwing that up for years!

Thnksgiving dinner consisted of tammy, Jessie, Aaliyah and Kerry having a small meal and I having a vegan curry soup.  Very traditional huh??!  According to Tammy, and susequesnt evidenve, her and Pat went out to Hooters, with Lerry Shae, and prceeded to eat chicken wings and get drunk!  Then to top that off, Saturday when we went to collect Tessa in Cisco,  Pat and Tammy have burgers!! WTF!  Istnt there any way to keep Pat from hijacking the body and consuming animal???  OMG, this has to be the most frustrating thing.  Not feeling like youre in control of yourself, or your own body.

On the drive back today, Tammy was watching this video on YouTube,  which was a girl who has DID, and videod several of her Alters.  I do not feel ike I have any of these symptoms.  I do not even come close to resembling the crazy shit I see here,  https://youtu.be/cjemK803l2M

I am not sure what to think.  I rarely even goto Youtube, just because if its on the interenet it has to be true, right?!!!  Bonjour!!  LOL  I am currently struggling with this.  Not just the rammifications of living with this, but the very concept of the possibility it does exist at all.  Is this my deluded messed up brain just making a fantasy life so I can feed some inner need to be unique or interesting?  Are the doctors and therapists wrong?  I dont rememeber anything that would qualify as a traumatic event that would have caused this.

So, lets review:  I know I am batshit crazy, but to waht degree?,  have I developed this disorder in my head to defer responsibility for actions that I ouwld otherwise find the xonsequences both uncomfortable and undesireable?, am I just another malingerer or worse somehting like Munchousens???  I am sure I spelled this worng…LOL.   The worst thing in life I believe that anyone can be is a fraud to themselves.  How do you knw what a fraud looks like if you cannot even understand who you, yourself actually is?

These are some of the questions that palgue me.  I read articels from scholarly folks that make arguably good points as to the validity, and likewise the invalidiity of hte diagnosis.  Thus furthering the dispair that is now consuming my intellect.  I have in the past considered my self to be a fairly intelligent humanoid.   I am at times able to not only read situations, but people like a manual for tinker toys!, however I cannot see insude myself long enough to try and even know what, or who I am.

This is the struggle that plagues me today!

Chaos Abounds! HELP PLEASE!!

What a day!  I have been struggiling all day with frustration and stuff.  Everybody wants their damn way and I only have one body to go around!  Top this off with trying to get everything doen today thats been getting left behind, and its a recipie fro a breakdown!  Kevin is always wanting out lately and it keeps me from getting the ABS taken care of.  Then everybody gets pissed when the lights go out or shit doesnt get paid!  LOL  Oh well.  Now I am trying to take some time to get shit done and everyone has demands of my time, which is limited of late!


Jessie still hides in her room from us, and tessa is gone for the week.  I cannot make the needed trip nirth I wanted to this week to relax, but oh well….. On the good note, Kevin may have a job in an IT firm, selling managed IT platforms to Enterprise Oil and Gas Clients!  We can kive anywhere in the West and still make this happen.  Its a back on the road job and thats great for us!  Lovely airports, anonymous and friendly for the frequesnt traveller!

SO, we have noticed that none of you are leaving comments and following the blog!  LOL  thats cool, were pputting some butons in to help you!  Also, PLEASE leve vomments and questions. Kevin and all of us are eager to meet folks like us!  The family is too!  We have som many questions about things and really need more help than the bullshit canned answers from the WEB!

I have several struggles on a day to day basis… Here they are not in any order:  Absolutely the worst memory in History,  My entire life!  My wife has a checklist for me when I leave the house!  Keys, Pants, etc!  Looking for odd nail polish and makeup!  I went to work in Goth Makeup one day and didnt realize it!  And yes, I am a man!, 2. The uncontrolable changing!, 3.  Trying to accept what is happening to me is real??, This has been going on as long back as I can rememeber, however it want till recently that things just broke through and it wouldnt stay hidden anymore!


I think the worst thing is the damage path that the alters ahve left behind them.  I have lost many good opportunites, and we will always regret this.  All of the alters have a hand in how things play out!  When I appear indecisive, its because the aoters are having an arguement and I cannot figure out what to do!  They will yell and scream and then Kevin steps in sometimes, but its a mess in there at times.  At least now I have an explanation for the past behaviors.  It really did drive me crazzy!!!


Please comment, ask questions, author some posts!  Lets have some fun!   I have been eating a plant based meal plan and feel awesome….NO MEDS  YEAH!  NORMAL LABS!  Also having an Alter Reuinion Frat Party!!!  I do have an alter tha will not respect the vegan rule….thats annoying!  Do any of you?????

The Big Lifestyle Change……

Good Morning, its 0430 agin and as usual I am wide frekin awake! I am getting used to this now.  So, the big shift in lifestyle,what was it?  Simply put I have been too fat for too long.  One of my neighbors had told me her father had been on insulin and basically homebound for sometime.  he began eating a plant based diet and began to be ablate reduce or otherwise all together quit taking his insulin in most days.  This is pretty awesome.  I have been plagued with borderline sugar levels, cholesterol issues, thyroid problems, and yes, I was at one time 412 pounds!!!  I will include some photos for you to see the photo evidence!!  When I had my first back surgery I killed myself essentially starving myself for 6 months and all I could lose was just under 100lbs!  about 40kg.  So, I had to find a way to not really lose weight, but get the rest of my body happy again!  I was taking over 200 different meds a day and felt iek the walking dead!

So, I adopted the vegan and whole plant lifestyle;e just to see a few things…1. does it work to reduce my drug intakes 2. will it help my heeakth. 3, will I lose some weight…

I have and am losing weight, down to a 46 from a 60 waist in two months!  havent measured lately since ally clothes won’t stay on now!  I eat the vegan way primarily!  The doctor wants me to give up all oils too and coconut oil.  I am trying!  But the real great thing here is this….I have energy again….I feel good again…..I TAKE NO MEDICATIOS OF ANY KIND OTHER THAN MY INHALERS FOR ASTHMA!

Now fo the kicker, I was on the following list of meds for years:  Oxycodone, Dilaudid, fentanyl, Lyrica, baclofen, vicodin, synthroid, Statins, Vitamin D supplement, lasix, testosterone, Celebrex,  adderall,  valium, phentermine, and a few others here and there.

When I quit taking the drugs, which I did all at once and cold turkey,  That is when I started to really notice the alters coming out again.  I had completely forgotten about their existence again.  I had dreams, about these things!  I never thought they were real!  I had been in therapy because I FELT crazy!  There is no better way to describe it.

Now that I am embracing both my alters and drug fee, animal product free lifestyle,  I am beginning to learn that the reason I have had all these issues for most of if not all of my life was because I couldn’t accept my alters!   Now I have began to embrace them as best I can, allowing them to be as individual as they need to be and allowing the freedom to express their thoughts and feelings just as anyone else would.  This is helping.  If I try to keep them down, it gets uncontrollable and things get weird fast.

So picture time….here is me before and after I quit eating animals and their products…I don’t even eat honey now. 😦


So, you read all the first post!

Thanks again for reading this far.  We are all trying to learn our place here, and I am still trying to work on the format.


I wanted to give you a bit of background on whats happening now and then as my mind wanders we will get glimpses into the past and other parts of me.   As I am just now re-entering this world again, last time I was aware at all was 2008, so please bare with me!


So, over the last oh say….LIFETIME, I have had several pervasive patterns of behavior that vary in intensity and severity depending on my stress levels.  Now that we have been able to more objectively look at these and analyze we were able to pout together a pattern….blah blah blah.  What the fuck! what a canned answer.  I don’t know about you but my awareness came like a fucking train wreck so to speak!  There was nothing entertaining or even remotely welcome about it.  For me at least, emotions rule the day, week, lifetime it seems.  To have an answer like that would have been insulting to everyone.  SO here is MY truth!  This can change with alters.  Oh, BTW, in most cases if the alters are cooperating, we will notated each entry with a D, P, or otherwise designated mark so you the reader can tell the difference!  Now, this won’t always apply as I can get hijacked and lets face it, they don’t always follow rules.  Ask the UK police as well as other law enforcement agencies in the US and abroad!  another day….

he school psychologist weren’t on a first name basisI had a complete breakdown in my therapist office, and even one of my alters, Pat, went to her office the day before without an appointment to confront her about my therapy!  Like I needed help being a jerk!  Not sure what all went down, but I haven’t been back since.  This happens a lot.  One of the alters will come out and act an ass, and then I FEEL like something bas has happened or get a newsflash, and then I carry the guilt forever.

So. back to the patterns, they were ever so obvious now, but then I was diagnosed with everything you can think of.  I went to more schools than grades, and moved more times than I can count on both hands.  We weren’t homeless, we were oil business gypsies.  My dad travelled chasing money and we went as baggage, or freight mostly.

I couldn’t keep friends.  I isolated.  I never went to a school where the school shrink and I weren’t friends.  Things were always just different for me.  I always wanted the shit other kids had, stable family life, friends, activities, history, but that just wasn’t in the cards.

So here we are in the modern 21st century with all of our smartphones and technology and we still cannot understand a disorder thats been around for hundreds of years and maybe more.


Lets investigate all of these things and then some as we move forward.  I will begin constructing the rest of the site as we go.  Let me know if you have things you want to see or questions that you have….cheers……….Kevin

Welcome To The Roller Coaster!

this blog simply put is an unrehearsed, unscripted and uncensored look into my life.  This cannot be classified in a single genre, this has more dimensions than you can imagine.  As a matter of fact, I can promise you will see that there is much more to someone that you can see.  In this case the reality exceeds the boundries of conventional thought.


I have struggled my entire life with self image.  I know this sounds “corny”, for lack of a better term.  However looking back it is completely true, but we will return to that later.  For now, lets simply look at the blog for a minute, kind of a psycho meet and greet if you have it!

My name is Kevin Lawrence Painter Sr.  I am a 46 year old husband and father of six beautiful girls, and a wife nomad tammy Renee!  My daughters range in age from 5 to 23!  and yes there is a boy, Kevin Painter Jr!  We will return to the specifics as we go.

I am writing this as it comes to me.  Errors and twerks will NOT be edited later for form and content!  I will not adjust the story to fit your screen!  However, if you have ever seen theist.  He shoots straight and hits hard. Twilight Zone or Outer Limts, then you know the drill!  Otherwise do not adjust your television set(mobile device lol) and strap in, here is the breakdown :

Kevin, the main dude, We think!  This is supposedly who the body belongs to or the “Host”

  • Dude ro just “D”
    • a middle aged pothead who’s only focus is to try and organize the chaos and stay high most of the time.  Pretty laid back and level headed.
  • Jeff
    • late teens pothead.  Total Stoner in moist regards.  interest include Southpark, Family Guy and Harold and Kumar.  he is an idiot!  But he’s super cool and easy going.
  • Pat
    • Pat is an older middle aged man, drinks Miller High Life and eats as much meat and garbage as he can find.  Likes to fight, a bit of an asshole, one of the old. Shoots straight and doesnt sugar coat anything
  • Spooky
    • Spooky is a high school kid with a huge depression and anger thing going on.  wears nail polish and listens to Manson.  Talks about death and dying all the time.
  • There are several others that we will discuss as time goes on.  I am still learning about many of them, so as I learn so will you.


So now you have the basic starting line up and the premise, lets get into this.

I NEED YOU THE READERS TO HELP ME!  Since at times “I, Kevin will be writing this, so ill the alters if they remember and I will help that!   If you have questions for them, Tammy, or my kiddos feel freee to ask.  They will all have individual mailboxes for you to ask questions.  There is so little out there for DID/cPTSD/BPD people that is more than just rehashed wiki, or BS from the who think they understand its sickening.  Lets get teh truth out there about all of us!  Spread the word!  Tell your Friends….ALL OF THEM!  We want this to be a place where we can all come together and grow,  Make this site about all of us!  Let me know what you want to see or don’t!  Alters have opinions, I want to hear all of them !


See you soon!



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